Friday, August 30, 2013

This time tomorrow

Just mustered up my courage to open the chat and all those late night messages started flooding back. The call, the messages, the teasing, the laughter...before we stopped talking. you just stopped replying and i can't even blame anyone because we really ran out of topic and i was hoping we stopped talking because i can't think of anything to say, to keep the conversation alive. Then now,I'm missing those days but if I'm given another chance, i will surely try my best to keep talking to you because you are someone really important to you and i guess you'll never know that. You are important to me as a friend, someone that is mature, so different from my crazy friends. You are the constant in my life, the one that was always here for me those few months before everything changed. it's been two months, my dear friend, how long more must we be strangers to each other? I'm so so so so afraid to talk to you because you are apparently living your life and you have someone else new to talk to. Why will would you miss me? I don't have any reason for you to stay and talk to me and we are so different. It's really a miracle we were so close once.

But, i really miss you as my friend, someone i can complain to, someone i can rely on like a big bro, someone who is so calm that i feel so safe around you, someone that makes me angry but happy too. Sigh i really hate myself for being like this, thinking about it everyday for the past two months. I need to accept the fact that we're never be close again and i should be thankful for that six months of friendship......i need to get over this and start anew. I have to.

Maybe what's broken can start to shine again

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Learning point

"you have to be silent in order to listen"

Time to start studying hehehehhehe and get that fucking A and prove to everybody I'm worth that ten raw points i got and i'm really better than everybody. I'm gonna ace it since it's what i'm born to do plus it's maths. Ok i'm just saying all this to motivate myself hahaha cause nobody ever motivates me so hard except for me myself bahahhah ok i shall start now.

so basically i spent 12 hours on studying,eating,exercising and trying really hard to stay focused. I managed to revise 6,7,8 so I'm left with 9, 10 and i REALLY REALLY NEED TO FINISH THEM before band
 T-T can someone fucking save me I hate being a librarian i swear it's so fucking tedious and I HATE GIVING OUT SCORES LA. I like to sit and wait for the scores to be passed to me and not stand up, collect scores, print scores ughh life sucks why choose me sobs.

So tomorrow i need to go earlier and give out scores and smoke my way through during band prac. Anyway, I'm seeing my band mates hehehe ok i hope everything goes well tomorrow before i resume working on saturday and sunday......

Being kiasi, i decided to read up on chapter 9 first so at least tomorrow i can have more time to compile everything hahahaah loser is me bye

Music of the Night

so i finally went to watch phantom of the opera today....and it's really money well-spent.

THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA is a heart-wrenching story of the mysterious, hideously disfigured Phantom who lives beneath the Paris Opera House, and his obsession with the young singer Christine. Disguised as the 'Angel of Music' he devotes himself to creating a new opera star, and winning her love from his rival Raoul, while exercising a reign of terror over the Opera House. 

We sat quite at the front at row Q, i was expecting it to be further back but it turned out that the seats were really quite good. It was really very clear and the band was darn good. It sounded like a playlist more than live music. Not only that, the ballerinas were top-notch. Watching phantom made me feel so lucky that i'm able to enjoy such things in life. I paid for the musical with my hard-earned money and this made it even extra-special. It shows i'm independent to some extent that i can afford this luxury. On a side note, i spent 168 on this musical hahahaha i guess i have to work harder to earn those money back. Actually, i have to work very hard this month because i spent too much ): i don't even dare to tally all my expenditures hahahaha sobs i'm a loser. 

Anyway,  i went to the musical with yy but somehow, i feel that she changed. its not the looks or anything physical but rather attitude. Does jc do that??Does jc changes people because it's too stressful?? I still like the old her, the one that doesn't judge that much like now, the one that isn't selfish unlike now. All these changes make me so stressful, did she really change or was she always like that, just that i didn't notice it?? Somehow, her comments hurt me nowadays but nonetheless, she's still a great friend to have. We went home straightaway after the musical because she has school tomorrow ): sch sux

Today is also my sis birthday hahahah she's finally eighteen ('-: I may say i hate her and bully her but i'm thankful to have her sometimes. I know we have lots of disagreements, but no matter what, the next day all hatred will be gone. Thank you for always helping me. I will buy you your present soon. 

i miss you. 
I thought i will never lose you but i did
Now, i will have to live this regret

You're an angel from hell

Monday, August 26, 2013

Holding on and Letting go

Went to celebrate zy birthday yesterday with the clique at sentosa! Tried something i normally wouldn't do: sky ride. We met at around 3pm and we bought tickets for 3 rides. The sky ride looked really scary at first but i remember telling myself that i only lived once so i went with the others and i didn't regret my choice afterall. The skyride is moving at such a slow speed that you can see everything clearly and the weather was really good. The breeze, the people, it just made me happy and relaxed although there was still abit of fear that the rope might not be strong enough and i might plunge to my death. Then, luge time. Luge was really good even though i came in last for both rounds hahaahah then for the last ride, i went first!! Luge felt so carefree as i swerved and drifted. After all that, we had dinz at thai express and the noodles was so good wtf i never knew thai express was that good. Why didn't i realise this sooner.. Then we took polaroids and lotsa pictures to end the night. Took the train with justin, ivan, rainer and feili and it brought back lotsa memories from secondary 4 sighhh, the yishun gang. Talking to them always make me feel so happy and loved because all of us can just talk about anything like even condoms hahaha and it still won't be awkward. Talked to them about people in psych having 14 points while i have 10 points thus i might have an advantage and justin said i have to let go.

It's true though, i had been too proud over the fact that i scored the best among them and this is hindering me from improving. I'm too complacent nowadays and i need to remember i can't always be the best. I have to work hard.

All these aside, i realised that i still like you best. Your smile, your voice, the way you walk, the way you talk made me realised i never really gotten over you. I merely just shifted my love for you to someone else. Now that he is gone, i realised i still like you. You were the one i always wanted and not him. I'm thankful that i finally admitted my feelings to myself and not running away from it. Although we will never be together, I'm happy for all the memories. It's too painful to love you and now after admitting it, i can finally move on. It's over.

It's everything you wanted, it's everything you don't 

Friday, August 23, 2013

Se7en; The Seven Deadly Sins

Is it weird that I'm drawn to things that are taboo like tattoos, prisons and murders? Watching movies that are mystery horror seems so satisfying for me. The way the killers think... the way they devised a impeccable plan to execute their murder is just so.. spectacular, like how the heck they thought of it?? I'm really thankful noone reads this blog or i can just die because seriously, i think this is too weird.

Anyway, today is just booooooooooring. Spending my days eating, sleeping, working, studying makes me wonder if i should live anymore. My life is as good as non-existent. I'm just surviving and not thriving like what i promised myself to do. Can something good just happen to me already? So sick of waiting and hoping every night that something miraculous might happen to me like you talking to me. Ha, foolish me, still clinging on to you after so many months. I need to re-organise my life and that starts with me preparing to go for band practice...sobs bye

Please let me reach high notes today ):