i cut my hair

"Your mind is a garden,
 your thoughts are the seeds,
 you can grow flowers,
 or you can grow weeds"

Hello guys, it's been awhile since I've blogged and alot of things happened recently. I feel the need to get all of this off my chest or else I can't sleep. Hmm where do i start....ok firstly, i cut my hair??!!??

And i kinda liked it, as in the length. I love my long hair, like really, the length and how it made me feel so feminine but it made me look mature seriously, People were usually saying i look older than my age (20-21) when im actually only 17 (not even 17 pls) so yeah after cutting my hair, i feel more refreshed and happier!! I feel that shorter hair makes me look younger and more energetic heheehe nowadays i feel more hyped up and i see so many people like erica and tricia looking so cute with shorter hair that i want to look like that too although im 100x way uglier than them.

secondly, i got fringe!!!!!!!! People who know me personally know that i have curly hair (not in a nice way) so its hard to maintain a nice fringe. BUT this time it's okay! Unexpected suprise hahaah the fringe looks nice and the length is perf. The only thing I don't like about my hair now is that the roots have grown out the past year so it's like not exactly straight all the way? It's more like poofy hair ahhhhh which is why im going to rebond my hair tomorrow but im really scared.....i hope it's not pin straight cause those hair are damn ugly and im going town straight.

A few days ago, or rather two days ago, i cried. It wasn't those normal crying where you will stop after a while and make all those sniffing noises. It's the kind of crying that tears just flowed uncontrollably and no matter how much you try to control your tears, it just flowed by itself. Whenever I try to talk, my voice just seem as if it got stuck?? My voice sounded damn croaky and hoarse, i can only talk loudly and i can't control my emotions at all. I was in a mess. And to think all these crying is caused by work.

I guess it's partly PMS cause I got my period yesterday but work really drives me crazy. It's like a machine that sucks away all my happiness and it always leaves me feeling so drained and empty. I don't even know why im so tired of working compared to other part timers. During work, i feel ok. I feel bored, sleepy, hungry but not rly unhappy. Just nuances of it like no lunch/dinner or some chef pissed me off but not like im grumpy the whole day. However, after work, all the negative feelings will start to overtake the positive ones and i will come home pissed, frustrated, unhappy. Then, if my mum asks me to work, i will scream and throw tantrums and hate work. Then, somehow despite all these hatred, i do look forward to work? Am i crazy or bi-polar or what. Maybe it's cause i know i play a important role in the restaurant but that day, i reached my limit.

The event was HELL. it was so noisy and cramped and did i mention the fact that i hate vain girls? I sometimes complain to people that girls are as annoying and bitchy as hell when I am a girl. i hate girls because they are so annoying?! Like camwhoring and insta and selfies and bitch talks (things I dont do usually or traits i hate about myself) I feel it's so insignificant and i rly cannot take nice selfies so im probably jealous some girls can do it and i cant so i hate it. Then, the event is a makeup event?! and there are girls who are dressed like dollls (WHICH I HATE) those fucking ugly big eye thick mascara and eyelash and act cute face. Wah i cannot.

Then, the trainee pissed me off so bad. She was going around giving ideas on what to do and giving the wrong information and being all stubborn and shit and insisting everything going her way when it's obviously wrong?!!?? Refusing to listen and stuff and all these shit. Not only that, head chef pissed me off by telling me off about some stupid macarons when he clearly is trying to vent his anger on someone. On top of all these, the event was complete chaos as there was no briefing beforehand like what kind of glasses to use and the office people had some conflict before the event. so the event was so bad and i had no lunch..... that's the worse part for someone who ate 3 plates of rice and 6 potatoes cubes plus veggies for LUNCH today. I was starving that i ate 2.5 bowls of rice for dinner after that (0.5 is alina's share ooops).

Didn't manage to take photos with that pretty girl but im so happy that she finally got a boyfee heehhehe so happy for her and they are so cute together. And alina is so pretty *~* she has nice features and she looks so freaking cute ahhhh can't wait to go out with her again.

Today's god bday so we had the event but im having my period so i didn't do much today. God said i think too much which is damn true. My semantic network is too good (psychology revision), basically i link anything to everything. Unfortunately, good thing is i remember alot of things. Bad side, i think too much about everything and worry too much for my own good. I don't appreciate whatever i have. I'm never satisified.

I'm greedy.

I eat fast to get another serving or to get more time so i can use it on something else. I study hard to get results and im not contented with 3.6 although everyone says it's quite good. I sleep 7-8 hrs so i can wake up early to do some work and not waste time. I multi-task and im always trying to find some easy way out if i can so i can get the same amount of work done with lesser effort. I'm greedy that i try to make sure nobody shortchange me. This results me in being unhappy all the time.

I need to change. Sitting at the back of the lorry today, I felt free. It's been a while since i felt that way. Looking at the night scenery with the cool wind blowing against me, i feel invincible and free and happy. I hope to feel that way. Always. Thank you for this wake up call. I need to do things that makes me happy.

#1: rebond hair
#2: get more piercings
#3: be toned

ok 3 is enough for now. I will work hard on this 3 before i set new goals. Mission 'improve yourself' starts now

xoxo